For the past two weeks I've been questioning many of my male friends about being single, their children, life, etc. All of them had one thing in common; not enough time with their children. I've had my own drama in the past with my ex-husband and his children so of course I was intrigued. They are all very good men with good jobs and all they want to do is spend time with their children. However, what is stopping them from doing so? The ex! That's right! Some women should be ashamed of themselves because what happens between you and your ex should stay that way. Women have been using their children as chess pieces in order to get back at their ex. Shame on you! Women have been saying time and time again how there are dead beat Dads out there and when men finally step up to claim their status as father the scorn of some women do not allow this to happen.
Why do women use their children and make them suffer not allowing them to see DAD on a regular basis? What you don't realize is that you are distroying your children pychologically by allowing them to think that DAD does not want to be there. You are lying to them saying that DAD doesn't love you anymore because he chose HER instead of US. If DAD really loved you he wouldn't have forgotten this or that. Granted, I know there are some dead beat Dads out there that deserve the title but not every separation that occurs in the household is a result of something he did. Nevertheless, because the courts favor the mother in most Child Custody cases it's always the man on trial. In fact, more women abuse the system now than ever before. It's mind blowing how Judges do not catch on.
There is also the case of moving the children to another state away from their father. After a divorce there is always that slight possibility of someone remarrying. I understand that you want to move on with your life but you have children now so you have to consider how far away you are moving away from your kids father. You must leave all selfishness behind and think about the long term affects of your children taking away their DAD or vice versa. But what angers me the most is when WOMEN purposely make it almost impossible for the children to have a good relationship with their Dads because of their scorn, jealousy and hatred towards their ex. Whether he was unfaithful, disrespectful, or horrible to you in the marriage or relationship is irrelevant when it comes to your kids. Your kids have nothing to do with it. What women don't realize is they will hate their Dad for what you did NOW but in the long term when they find out the truth they will hate you ALWAYS.
I used to think it was the lack of education of some people and where they lived that determined these actions. Yeah I know! I was wrong and I admit it. I find that the more educated a scorned woman is about the court system and police procedures the worse it can be for a man trying to see his kids. It's all very sad and the worst part about this, as much as you try to move on with your life after a divorce or separation and you have kids with a scorned partner it's so hard to let a great person into your life because of the drama you have in yours.
There are so many people dealing with this so if you have any comments to share I would love to hear them.
This is REAL TALK!
Sandra, so much of what you say is true and unfortunately adult single parents are using their children as pawns of vindictiveness against their ex-spouses. Such situations are becoming commonplace in our society as the rules of "who gets custody" continues to change.
ReplyDeleteAs you know, I'm a single parent of 2 children and have been parenting them as such for 15 years. I have counseled men whom in some cases have not seen their children in years and such stories are not uncommon. Yet I must advocate on behalf of both parties because I know all to well that many a men claim to want to be with their children and blame their ex-spouses for the reasons why they haven't. In many cases such is not the case.
Are there women who use the children as a weapon of vengence against their ex's in a form of vindictiveness? Yes of course, but I have come across many men who do little to become responsible to the call of Fatherhood.
I'm glad you have written this column because women who turn their children against their fathers are wrong and unjust. To those men who are broken and frustrated abt not seeing their children I urge you to continue the fight for the right to your children. The court system is there for you and if you honestly want to have a relationship with your kids, you can.
When a parent decides to take the children out of state men can block this in court. The Custodial parent must have a bonifide reason to lift them and the reason has to be in the best interest of the children and they must prove that. Such was the case with my children and I. When I took them out of state I had to convince all parties involved that the children would benefit the most from such a move over everything else.
This is such a topic of importance Sandra and I for one am glad you are willing to put it out there. I implore you to continue as a mouthpiece for those who find it hard to overcome obsticles of unjust interference. No matter what, the children will either benefit or suffer when all is said and done. Make the right choice.
Roy Alicea