Last night I was thinking about relationships, marriages and people in general and what they do to stay happy and content. A friend of mine is getting married soon. I've known my girlfriend for quite some time when she was single and now that she's with her boyfriend I find her very different. We used to talk about politics (she was democrat), our careers, goals and just have general discussions. I asked her "Are you going to vote for Obama again"? Come to find out all of a sudden she's Republican because her boyfriend (soon to be husband) is Republican. What? I asked her "Do you know the difference"? She paused. She didn't know what to say? I almost felt bad for her because I put her in a very embarassing and awkward position. At the same time I was frustrated because I wanted her to explain to me in simple terms why she changed parties.
Do people really know the difference between a Democrat and a Republican?
Would you change the way you feel and what you believe in just to be with your mate? I guess this goes on in many relationships? I never experienced this. I've been in long term relationships and never had to change my beliefs for my mate. I surely wouldn't vote Republican for my husband believing in Democracy. Even if I win the lottery tomorrow and suddenly become a millionaire I will still believe in Democracy. Being autonomous is the most healthy way to be and live. I can't live any other way. Does love threaten this? Below is a great article on this subject:
Going back to changing who you are. I recently had to evaluate my friends and who they were as people. You see some people age and they change for the better. However, there are just some people who age and they change for the worse and the sad part is they don't realize it. A friend of mine is currently living with her boyfriend and he is a bit older than her; distinguished professional. I've known my friend for quite some time and when I met her she was fun, playful, fashionable and genuine. You would think that with age she would become a better version of this. No. Now I find her critical, less fashionable, a "Debbie Downer" and miserly. Is it because she's dating this older distinguised gentleman and has developed some of his characteristics? A wolf in sheep's clothing? Whatever it is I just do not have the time or patience to deal with it.
In brief, we have to value ourselves and our beliefs. You have to change for yourself and not for anyone else. If you want a steak and he wants you to have the salad go for that steak! If she wants you to go bald but you like your hair grow more hair! I understand that we want to make our partners happy. I've done it many of times changing simple things that ultimately made me grow as a person. I'm more humble and find a lot of my friends now to be much older than me. I also find that women who have careers and jobs that they love are more positive to be around because they have something they call their own at the end of the day. But that's a completely different topic all together.
This is real talk and I'm looking forward to your comments.
If a man can't love you for who you are then you shouldn't be loving him... opposites attract! For me its either love me for who I am or just simply leave me alone cause I am who I am! There might be some minor changes when in a long term relationship but its always for the better...if you're with someone and can't be yourself around your partner and their family then you can't be true to yourself... and for me true happiness stems from being true to yourself!!!
ReplyDeleteThat is the way it should be DivaLatina. We live in a society where we are peer pressured to fit in. Some women change because they want to please their partner and fit into his crowd and his family and be "liked". So if it means changing our friends, views and our beliefs that is some women will do. Unfortunately, in the long run your true self will come out because of suffocation of wanted to live a lie. That woman will also lose invaluable friends she once had when she was humble and genuine.
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